Casual Death

She walks home from school just like every other day. She stops on the side of a busy street, waiting for her turn to cross. As she waits she casually imagines taking a step forward, walking in front of one of the incoming cars. It'd be too easy she thinks. And it's not that she wants to kill herself; she's not suicidal.  She neither hates herself nor really has anything against herself, on the contrary, if asked she would probably go as far as to say she actually really likes herself. She just wants something interesting to happen, anything. She imagines going to the hospital and being the center of attention during the months that it takes her broken leg to heal. Then she imagines dying on impact. She can almost feel her head smash through the car's windshield, causing brain damage and killing her immediately. But as strange as such things may seem, to her it's as normal as thinking about an episode of a television show that was on the night before. Like I said, what she's searching for is not death, but a reason to continue living. She has become bored with life itself. So sometimes she just wants to just end it all, in the hope that maybe then she'd actually feel something.  And it's gotten worse over the years, this boredom with life. Colors have become dull in her eyes, she mostly sees thing as grey now. Things seem enjoyable for less time now. She's been going through life on autopilot for years, never really living. There's also this hope hidden deep inside her that someone close to her will die or that something terrible will happen to her, so that she can finally have an excuse for being as damaged as she already feels. But she wants it to be an "accident", she's far too afraid to take matters into her own hands, although she's thought countless about taking the whole bottle of sleeping pills that sits at home in a medicine cabinet, or slitting her wrists with the butcher knife in her kitchen. She closes her eyes. Maybe this could be it. Maybe she could finally just end it all. Just one step. That's all it would take. She slowly breathes in deeply, and then breathes out. She takes one step. Nothing happens. She takes two more. She's getting frustrated. She opens her eyes. Above her the street light is shining red, and in front of her a white luminescent man telling her that she may now cross. She laughs to herself and continues walking home.