The Things I Should Have Known

When I was little,
I used to hear my sister cry,
I'd always thought she was just being dramatic.
I didn't know that she was being bullied,
or that everyday had become a torment.

My sister used to spend,
half an hour in the bathroom before school.
I thought she was just fixing her hair,
because that's why all my friend's sisters took so long in the bathroom.
I didn't know she was sticking her fingers down her throat,
trying to make herself sick,
so that she wouldn't have to leave the house.

I used to watch my sister bang her head against walls,
I thought she was crazy.
But I didn't know she was just trying to find something,
anything, that hurt her more on the outside,
than the pain she felt inside.
The pain that stole her smile,
that made her want to stay in her room.
The pain that made her question,
if living with that gaping black hole inside,
was even worth it.

When I was little,
I found my sister lying on the floor;
sleeping next to a bottle of pills.
I thought she'd wake up.
I didn't know she wouldn't.